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Chapter 1

“He's back,” Mom says quietly, giving me a sympathetic look.
- Alexander? - for some reason I clarify, although I immediately understand everything.
- Yes. In the evening he will come to us.
My heart shoots with hot needles, I press my hand to my chest and hardly take a breath.
Alexander. Alex. My half brother. My first love. And my first disappointment. He's tough, cold, unapproachable, but that didn't stop me from falling in love with him. I followed him around, looked into his mouth, and he laughed when he found out about my feelings.
It was five years ago. Alex went abroad, and I couldn't get him out of my head. And I firmly decided that I would change for him, I would become relaxed, beautiful and sexy, so that in the future he could not resist me.
I no longer wear thick horn-rimmed glasses, instead I wear lenses every day. The color of my hair from indistinct ashy became rich chocolate. I use cosmetics and I know what clothes favorably emphasize my figure.
Now I have every chance to win Alex.
But there is one problem - he hates me. And I don't know why.
“I’ll go to Lena’s, with an overnight stay,” I say quickly. I don't want to see Alex. Not today.
Mom is sympathetic to my decision. The stepfather is not at home, there is no need to explain to him. Already good. I come to my best friend and right from the doorway I stun her with the news about Alex.
“You have a chance to finally take revenge on him!” girlfriend gets excited. “For neighing at you, for always treating you badly!”
“He didn’t treat me badly, rather, with indifference,” I mumble, shielding my half-brother out of habit.
“Oh, you will always protect him,” Lenka dismisses. “Better let’s develop a revenge plan!”
- I'm not going to take revenge on him. Forget all about it.
"Then why are you here?"
I don't want him to see me. For now.
Oh, my throat is dry from excitement. I pour myself some water into a glass and drink it greedily. There is a noise in my head, there are so many thoughts - there is no way to shout them down. Madness.
“Kolis, girlfriend, you’re up to something,” Lena frowns.
“I want to be with him, you know? I want him to feel something for me too… Except for hatred.
Lena listens attentively, although I'm not sure that she is interested in my love suffering. We stay up half the night discussing Alex's unexpected arrival and contemplating a plan to seduce him. But I brush aside idea after idea. This is some nonsense. Too many assumptions. You can't force someone to fall in love with you.
I return home early in the morning. I go up to the second floor, hang near my stepbrother's room. He's not here, my mother warned me. So I push the door and go inside. Nothing changed. No trace of Alex.
- How are you feeling? Mom asks when I come into the kitchen for coffee. The head is cracking, it's gray and rainy outside the window.
- I've been better. How did it go yesterday?
I try not to betray my curiosity, but inside everything trembles and shrinks. What does Alex look like now? Does he have a girlfriend? Does he still hate me?
“Everything is fine,” my mother looks at me doubtfully, probably wants to say something unpleasant.
“You can’t lie,” I remind her.
Is Alex married? Does he have a child? Is he terminally ill?
— The meeting was strained. But that's not the point. Today Alex is celebrating his friend's birthday.
- AND?
— At a restaurant that opened last week. You also talked about him. I don't remember the name.
But I remember very well. I run up to my mom and hug her tightly.
- Thank you very much! You are super mom!
I only have one evening. You can't spoil everything. I won't forgive myself if I screw up.
I choose the best dress that I have in my wardrobe, fiddle with makeup and hair for a long time, wink at myself in the reflection of the mirror and go down to the first floor on legs trembling with excitement.
— And where are you going? stepfather asks with a smile.
- I'm going to my friend, - I'm lying and don't even blush.
My stepfather doesn't know that I'm unrequitedly in love with Alex. He would not understand me and would not support me. No, Vasily Andreevich is a wonderful person, his mother was extremely lucky with him, but he adheres to the old views on life. And the union of a half-brother and sister is taboo for him.
My stepfather wishes me a good evening, I hastily kiss my mother on the cheek and fly out into the fresh air.
To begin with, I stop by the optician and buy blue lenses for myself. If we are to disguise ourselves, then to the fullest. It is unlikely that Alex remembers that I have green eyes, but it's better to play it safe.
Either today or never.
Will he still like me?
My head is spinning, my pulse is fast, my breath is short. I go into the restaurant where Alex is supposed to be relaxing and look around. Loud girlish laughter comes from somewhere, maybe they are celebrating a birthday in that hall?
“Unfortunately, we have all the tables booked,” the administrator informs.
And even at the bar?
“Yes,” is my verdict.
Well, not to guard your half-brother at the door in the blind hope that he will come out for a smoke? Maybe after so many years he got rid of a bad habit. I don’t know anything about him, and Alex doesn’t lead social networks.
“Sure, thanks,” I nod.
I walk towards the door, but then I stop abruptly. I should have said that they were waiting for me in the main hall! Damn, brains don't work at all.
I turn around and look for the administrator.
A chill runs down my spine as someone walks into the restaurant.
Yes, I'm busy right now. Come on,” the man says in a painfully familiar voice.
Alex. Here. Behind my back.
There is no way back.
I take a step forward and scream theatrically. I wave my arms wide, pretending to slip. And I fly forward. Right into the arms of a stepbrother.
1.2
He still uses the same perfume: woody-tart, mind-blowing, memorable. One day I stumbled into his room and saw a shirt hanging casually on a chair. She walked over and hugged her tightly to her heart. And forever remembered what Alex smells like.
At that moment, my mother came into the room, and then I confessed to her my feelings for my half-brother. She was, of course, upset. Alexander is a peculiar, reserved person with a difficult character. No mother wants her daughter to fall in love with this type. But you can't tell your heart.
Later, I revealed my secret to my best friend. I told her about my stepbrother. In vain. It was she who then blabbed about everything to him.
But that was a very long time ago. I forgot about the betrayal, calmed down, got sick with Alex.
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, I didn't get sick of them.
Nothing changed! As soon as I sucked in the air loudly, my head began to spin from the familiar smell, from the proximity of Alex, from his slightly hoarse voice.
I scream and fall into his arms. He squeezes me tightly for a moment and then abruptly pulls away. Holding on to the shoulders. Gently shakes and looks into the eyes.
“Weren’t you taught to look around?” He frowns indignantly.
Five years have passed, my God, and he has not changed at all! Although no, I'm lying, he has become even more beautiful, if at all possible. Brown eyes burn me to ashes, leaving no chance for survival. Strong palms grip her shoulders, burning her sensitive skin.
I look at him and I can't say a word. I only breathe often, often, and get goosebumps from head to toe. It is necessary to answer something, it is necessary by all means to remember him. Now he sees a clumsy dumb girl in front of him, this is no good.
“Are you always so rude to strangers?” And grab them by the hand without permission? I curl my lips into a mocking smirk.
Would you rather fall? He arches his left eyebrow.
It's all the same expression. And a smile that used to drive me crazy.
- Not. It’s more comfortable in your arms than on a slippery floor,” I flirt, looking away. I'm embarrassed. I'm not good at seducing men.
“I don’t like it when they kick me out,” Alex says and finally removes his hands from my shoulders.
“Then let’s get to know each other,” I shake my hair and tilt my head slightly to the side. - I'm Kristina.
And I extend my hand to him. Alex raises his eyebrows in surprise. And looks at me very carefully. Literally scans my face. Does he suspect something? Colored lenses, a new hairstyle, a beautiful dress - it's wonderful, but I couldn't change my voice.
“Alexander,” he squeezes my hand. Easy, unobtrusive, without pressure and force.
- Nice to meet you, Alexander.
Previously, he called himself Alex, but for some reason he did not like the full name.
— I read a lot about this restaurant, I wanted to try their cuisine, but there were no free tables. Even at the bar! Can you imagine? You can always settle down at the bar, even if it’s uncomfortable there, but for the sake of new impressions, I would suffer, - I chatter confusedly, confused by Alex’s attention. From the fact that he communicates with me at all.
So, I didn't know. The improvisation worked.
“I imagine,” he nods. He glances briefly at the door leading to the main hall. From there, women's chuckles sound, and even the music plays loudly. Probably his friend is celebrating his birthday well.
I don't even want to think about who Alex came here with.
“Probably someone is having a holiday,” I expressively play with my eyebrows. At the same time, I do not forget to smile charmingly. - It's time for you to go?
“Yes,” Alex nods.
“Sorry,” I touch his shoulder with my hand, as if brushing away an invisible speck. In films, such gestures often work, and men are led by them. - I would continue our acquaintance.
Isn't it too early for you to spend evenings with strangers? Alex squints.
"I'm twenty-two actually!" I say indignantly.
I'm actually a couple of years younger, but I don't want to tell my stepbrother my real age. I'm starting to get paranoid. I'm afraid that he will recognize me by some insignificant detail.
“Let me guess: a boy left you and you decided to take revenge on him by contacting the first person you met?” Alex approaches me. Destroys the last centimeters separating us.
- And if so, then what? A girl who wants revenge on her ex will go all the way, you know that? I lift my chin and don't look away. I don't even blink.
“I understand,” Alex nods.
“So, will you go back to your friend or will you come with me?” To a club, for example?
He hesitates for a few seconds, which makes me more and more nervous. My lips dry up, I involuntarily lick them and straighten my back. Like it will give me strength.
- Why go to the club? Let’s go straight to my place,” Alex suggests. But it seems to me that he is giving an order, confronting me with a fact - either I agree, or we disperse in different directions.
There will be no second chance. Sooner or later, he will come to his stepfather's house and see me, the half-sister whom he always hated. Then nothing will happen between us. I know it. Feel.
But losing my innocence today was not part of my plans.
But if not with Alex, then with whom? I'm still in love with him. And everyone told me that the first feelings are quickly forgotten. Lied, that is.
I lick my lips again and nod. The neck is stiff, it is difficult to breathe, but I repeat the movement of the head.
“Okay, let’s go to your place,” I say with a forced smile.