Chapter 1 .Introduction

Old houses behind variegated fences seemed to mock me. This part of the city has always terrified me. It's a stone's throw from the center, but as if you find yourself in another era - without asphalt, sewerage and hope for the future. This street smelled of hopelessness. Now I knew her smell: stewed cabbage and burning garbage.I would recognize his car from a thousand of the same. She has no place next to these rusty gates! Like me!The low fence made it possible to see not only the luminous window, but also the silhouettes behind the glass. The translucent curtains revealed two figures to my gaze, clinging impermissibly close to each other. The dim light of the table lamp added romance to their kiss, cloying and unhurried, and to me - hatred, black and poisonous. Take a stone and throw it through the window of this damn house with all your might! Let the glass explode into fragments, like splashes of champagne. I would get divine pleasure from this. But. I have another plan in store for tonight, a sudden madness in my head, a veil of soul-devouring vengeance.You love your car so much, honey. How carefully do you wipe the glass! With what tenderness you start the engine and stroke its steering wheel! This is your swallow, baby, beloved girl! Wow, you don’t love any of the people the way you love her!I have a crowbar and a folding knife in my hands. Glancing around, I pulled on my hood and headed for his black Toyota. It's dark outside - it's good for me. For the first time, I felt grateful to the utilities for their disregard for the replacement of lamps. May the lights never come on over this damn house.It was not so easy to drive a knife into a wheel, but I did it. Surprise, love! I'm giving it to you now, but it's for your birthday. There are still three wheels left. I won't leave any of them intact.When all four were punctured, I ran the knife hard over the doors, the hood, and crossed to the other side to finish drawing the circle. The scratch ring is closed, as is my life around this bastard. He cut my soul into a hundred bleeding shreds, and when I carefully stitched it together, piece by piece, without a single doubt repeated it again.I did not feel satisfaction from what was done, only anger rose in my chest like poisonous smoke. It seemed as if in the next instant, hatred would pour out like lava and melt his damn car, and at the same time the rusty gate near which it was parked! I walked towards this madness for many years, and my legs still remember all the fragments of broken hopes, to a single one.God, no more tears! Not! Don't you dare cry, Yara! I angrily rubbed my eyes with my fists and clenched my teeth.I wonder how many girls have been in the back seat of that Toyota? I don't think so much. The old "six" must have seen a lot more of them. How many girls did he break the heart of? How many did you play? How many lied to? And how much did they forgive him, how did I?Did he need my forgiveness? Not! He didn't want anything from me. Nothing. And I needed his love so much, but I didn’t even get affection.Another tear made its way down her cheek. Stop spreading snot! He deserved it with every act and every choice!The crowbar slammed into the windshield with all the force you could get from my hands. There was a characteristic crunch, and a dent appeared on the glass. No, this is not enough for me! I hit again and again, unable to stop. Let him take his adored swallow to the repair, and I will get a short joy from my humiliating revenge.His figure appeared at the window. Already shirtless. He peered into the darkness, trying to discern the source of the sound. Yes, it's your battered girl waiting for her master. I don't know who I meant, the car or myself.There is no time to delay. I rushed around the corner with all my might, towards a large high-rise building that towered nearby. My car was parked next to it. It’s hard not to notice a white Lexus on a deserted street, so I put it between the cars of the high-rise residents.Having reached the goal, I threw the tire iron with a knife into the trunk, and then hastily pulled off my sweatshirt. The motor purred softly. Yes, my dear, I just ruined someone else's car, but I will not give you offense. It would be necessary to catch my breath for a couple of minutes, but an inner voice ordered me to leave immediately.As I pulled out of the yard, I breathed a sigh of relief. There's a busy road ahead, I'll get lost there. The trembling in my hands stopped after a couple of minutes, my self-confidence and my act returned. Yes, he is stupid and humiliating, I do not argue. But what a pleasure that the romantic evening that his hen had hoped for was ruined! Let him feel at least a fraction of the pain caused to me, looking at his ruined car. This is how I look from the inside for the past five years. Thanks to him. Today I hated him with renewed vigor, and he ... he once again chose not me. I chose it fifteen years ago, and I continue to choose every day …Thirteen years.- Hey, Khoma, why are you sitting there alone? Cyril's voice reached me.All four friends stared at me in surprise. How will I answer them? “Mom forbade even approaching you, Cyril”? Disgrace! I'm already thirteen years old! Can parents dictate who to be friends with? Mine can.My mother's screams from yesterday still rang in my ears. She even called dad in the hope that his weighty word would finally convince me not to be friends with Cyrus. Papa, of course, grumbled meaningfully about the need to choose his friends more responsibly, but this conversation did not interest him at all and did not please him. I heard it in the voice. Sometimes the displeased voice of Lena, the new father's wife, was heard in the receiver, who asked him to help bathe their son Ilya. Dad was not up to me and not up to my problems with friends. For some reason, my mom didn't understand. Even to me, the unpleasant truth slowly dawned over the past year and a half.Yes, yesterday we once again had a fight with Cyril. In an argument, he shouted something like: "I will call you a hamster as long as you are a hamster." Yes, it’s terribly insulting, but it’s more offensive that my mother became a witness to our abuse. When she got home, she gave ME a beating. Following in absentia went to Cyril. Mom more than once remembered her friend with a “kindly quiet” word, going over his parents.Yes, Mom, I'm fat and nondescript, I have acne on my forehead and cheeks, a strange haircut and baggy clothes! It's the truth, and you can't hide from it! I am offended and hurt by Kirill's words, but I have to deal with him myself. Instead, my mother's silhouette was visible in the window. Of course, she was vigilantly watching so that I did not violate her prohibition. And how now to make Cyril regret his words, if there is no way to even approach him?He looked at me as if nothing happened. It's like we didn't fight yesterday. Like I didn't cry half the night into my pillow.“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said.It would be better to be my decision than a disgrace.“Our Homa was offended,” Kir said mockingly and walked towards me.No, don't come! Mom will now express everything that she thinks about you, right from the window of the third floor. And that would be terribly humiliating for me.“Don’t you dare approach my daughter, you brat!”I didn't even flinch when I heard my mother's loud voice. The only thing I wanted now was to cover my face shamefully with my hands.“Aunt Nadya, hello,” Kir said in puzzlement.- Once again you approach my daughter or dare to insult her, I will go to your parents and teach you how to raise children!Mom, why? I wanted to burst into tears from desperation.Kirill gave me a mocking look and brazenly answered my mother:- No problem, Aunt Nadia. Let Yara walk alone, since you are against it.Yara… Only Kir called me that from the very moment we met three years ago.- Well, people, let's go? Her Majesty's mother does not allow me to be friends, - Cyril turned to our friends, while not taking his eyes off me.Surely in his eyes I am a complete nonentity.“Yasya, I'll stay with you,” came the voice of Zhenya, one of those whom Cyrus tried to take away from me.He only raised an eyebrow questioningly at such a bold statement.“I think you were wrong yesterday,” Zhenya said boldly, chin up. - Who are you to call Yasya names?“Another Majesty. Stay here alone, I don't mind.Cyril turned and walked away. Two of our friends - Misha and Oksana - reached out for him.“I didn’t expect that from Oksana,” Zhenya muttered, looking after them from under her brows.- She follows Cyrus like a ponytail. No surprise, I said.“Ksenia fell in love,” my friend laughed and jokingly poked me in the side with her elbow. - Don't freak out. Everything will be fine soon.It'll probably get better.Despite Zhenya's desperate desire to act as if nothing had happened, I could clearly see how sad she was. I was even crazier. We all got so attached to each other that we had little idea what it was like to simply cease to exist as friends in an instant. And now this moment has come. Cyrus took Misha and Oksana out of the yard, and they did not appear there until evening.Zhenya and I wandered alone through the back streets. I wanted to meet Kirill in order to be able to talk without my mother's supervision, but I was afraid of it at the same time. I couldn't stand his next taunts. All the hurtful words that Cyrus said yesterday echoed inside my skull and did not stop.Tired of wandering around the yards, Zhenya and I returned back. The breakaway trinity was still not there. Although we told each other that they would regret their decision, we had little faith in it ourselves.I gave up first and offered to go home. Let this stupid day end soon and the next one come. Maybe he won't be so stupid?Mom was waiting for me at home. Before I had time to take off my shoes, she said in the voice of the winner:- Now this boor will definitely not touch you. I think he got scared when I threatened to go to his parents.Do you have any idea how humiliating that is? - I could not stand it. A lump again treacherously rolled up to the throat.- What exactly? Mom rushed.- That you stand up for me. I'll deal with my friends myself. Why are you climbing?“Something you’re not very good at understanding.” So far, you serve this Kirill as a punching bag, on which he exercises wit. I will not allow my daughter to have such a role! Mom has already shouted the last words.- I'm not a punching bag! You do not understand!– What do I not understand, Yasya?! Is this a real friend? Friends do not humiliate and do not scoff! He should protect you like a boy, not hurt you! Don't you understand it yourself? Or do you not want to understand?- I understand everything, Mom! True, I understand! I exclaimed, brushing away an unwelcome tear.- If you are not able to shut Kirill's mouth, then you will not be friends with him! And point!He won't be friends with me anymore! It's all because of you!